The Missing Piece
by Starchii
Summary: -HikaHaru- I felt it in my body, the all encompassing pain that came with death. It was familiar, but unfortunately, he was the last person I expected to leave me like this. After all, I had once loved him.
1. A Death in the Family

**I decided to start this story as a completely inappropriate use of my time, but I really needed a break from **_**Naruto **_**because it's driving me off the deep end. Anyways, this idea started off as a lighthearted piece of fiction and morphed into this. It seems I cannot stay on track when it comes to writing funny things. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. –Insert witty banter here-

* * *

**

_Chapter 1: A Death in the Family

* * *

_

It seemed odd that I would be sitting by myself. Of course, this oddity was only a product of the fact that I hadn't been truly left alone since my first year of high school. The Host Club did that to me. They would always barge in and ruin my studying time with their crazy ideas for 'club activities', whatever the hell that meant. They got on my nerves and made me want to pull my hair out, but nonetheless, we were a family. I loved them all in different ways.

Everybody on the outside viewed us as this perfect unit that functioned flawlessly together, but in reality, we were all merely broken pieces made whole by each other. Tamaki had made sure of that. From the things I had learned while in the Host Club, I realized that everyone had needed saving, including myself. Tamaki rescued all of us from varying degrees of problems. Who was to guess that the impeccable 'Prince' that had saved us needed a little help of his own? Luckily, we were able to return the favor before it was too late. In the end, we were all just a bunch of misfits whose pieces only fit with the others.

Yet, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. It seemed like only a few months before Mori and Honey graduated and went to college. As time progressed, I began to view college as an enemy or something to overcome rather than the goal it had always been previously. With the loss of two of the members, we were lost like puppies without a mother. Tamaki, being the person he is, corrected this in the form of more time spent together outside of school. The ache very nearly subsided, and then the impossible happened.

Tamaki and I were only together for a short amount of time, but it was the most real experience in my entire life. I lost a sempai and gained something much more significant. Hikaru and Kaoru stayed mostly out of the way, but asking them to be completely tolerant was really asking too much. We continued to be friends, but it was harder to keep in touch with them when most of my time was spent with my 'prince'.

Our time came and went and then Kyoya and he were also gone. With only the three of us and without the guidance of our president, the Host Club truly disbanded. I finally got the time I needed to study my last year of school, but it was mostly empty. Hikaru, Kaoru, and I became like a support system for each other. Although they were always two of my closest friends, I could sense the tension because of my previous relationship with Tamaki. I knew Hikaru still harbored feelings for me, but it wasn't fair for me to try reciprocating when my thoughts still rested with the missing pieces of our group.

So, with some resentment, I let them go after our graduation. It hadn't even been raining when we said our goodbyes, but I know now that I will always wish it had. Something about this parting felt more final than the others, and I internally rationalized this to be because they were the last things keeping me from collapsing. My family had been prematurely cut apart by unforeseen circumstances, and I had let it happen. I recognized that there was nothing I could do to stop any of them from pursuing a higher education, but was it really so hard to send a damn postcard from wherever the hell they were?

When Hikaru and Kaoru were gone, I was finally left alone. And it wasn't until they had all left me that I realized that I didn't even want that anymore. I tried fruitlessly to contact them, but they were nowhere to be found, none of them. Apparently they all fled the country for whatever reason and were attending universities outside of Japan, while I was left to attend the University of Tokyo. When I really needed them, they became like shadows, unreachable, intangible.

Untouchable.

I hated that I still cared about them all. It was too painful to even consider. People walked in and out of my life every day, but none of them left footprints like the Host Club. I would never understand how they were able to casually walk away, while I was slowly burning on the inside.

I only had one friend at school now, which was a considerably difference from the hordes of fans and admirers that used to flock to me at Ouran. That was probably the only nice thing about college. I no longer had to pretend to be a boy, but that never had truly bothered me in the first place. The good thing was that I could walk down a hallway without getting shouted at by adoring girls in frilly yellow dresses.

In fact, I had let my hair grow out to just above my shoulders. It was an easy length to manage and it contrasted nicely with the impossibly long hair of my roommate and friend, Haruko. Haruko and I contradicted each other in many ways, most of which were centered on superficial things like interests and hobbies. Our personalities never clashed, and mostly we stayed out of each others way.

Haruko was a tall girl, a considerable amount of centimeters taller than me. She had a willowy figure that left her looking delicate and thin. Her hair was a color of midnight black, while her eyes were an interesting shade of green that reminded me of grass on a summer day. Her skin was pale, and more often than not, she wore clothes that were baggy in order to hide it from the sun. Haruko's nature was docile, but she had a volatile streak that rarely left anything alive in her fury.

Currently, she was in the main lounge on our floor, conversing with some of the other people on the floor. I was sitting in our room, reading a book about some famous lawyer gone detective. It was interesting, but I could already tell what was going to happen, so it didn't hold my attention for very long, which led me to thinking. Lately, thinking had become a dangerous habit for me. My thoughts always ran a line to the Host Club and my memories of them. Truthfully, I felt as though they had died and I was left reminiscing about their lives. Sometimes, I had to look at pictures just to reassure myself that they had been real.

Groaning and stretching, I lifted myself off of my bed and made my way over to my picture album. The cover depicted a group of puppies patiently sitting in the grass, looking as though they were waiting for something. It was picked out by Tamaki while we were dating and given to me as a gift before he left. Sighing, I pushed it open and skipped through the first few pictures of my family in various positions of entertainment. About halfway through, I found the first Host Club picture. It was a group photo of all of us and we were in our school uniforms. The picture had been used in a photo collection that Kyoya had made for the guests. That was the only formal one I had, and the rest were a compilation of pictures that had been taken of us on our many outings, including some couple shots of Tamaki and I.

The door behind me slowly began to open and I snapped the album cover shut before placing it back in its slot on the bookcase. Turning around, I saw Haruko walk in with a small smile on her face. Her eyes were glinting with some inner amusement that was never a good sign.

"So, Haruhi, I just found out from one of the girls on our floor that you've finally gotten some mail from someone other than your father," she said, the smile on her face steadily growing as she noticed the palpable excitement beginning to emanate from me. I had told Haruko about the Host Club and how their abandonment had hurt me deeply. She was now very perceptive to my crestfallen look when I received my mail and only letters from my father and bank statements appeared.

"How would she know?" I asked with an obvious tone of frustration. If people were looking through my mail because of pity for me, then there was going to be hell to pay. Haruko looked taken aback by my anger, and she quickly raised a hand as a placating gesture.

"She works in the mail room and has to sort through the mail and put it in each student's boxes. She told me you had a letter from someone that looked pretty fancy. It was high priority too," she said with a slightly embarrassed grin, "I was so excited I ran here to tell you and had to physically stop myself from slamming open the door."

I merely stared at my roommate for several seconds before accepting her knowledge. A small smile emerged on my face, and her countenance got noticeably brighter at my spark of happiness. Suddenly, she closed the door and began rushing around the room, gathering her shoes and coat.

"Er, Haruko, what are you doing?" I questioned lightly, not wanting to disrupt my erratic roommate as she flew from thing to thing. Her speed practically spelled danger, considering her notorious clumsiness. Sure enough, as soon as she turned to me, intending to answer the question, she slipped and fell on her butt. I cringed and moved forward to help her. She merely accepted the hand with a wince and a gentle hand on her lower backside.

"Ouch, thanks Haruhi. Anyways, we're going over to the mail room so you can pick up the letter! I thought that would be obvious." Feeling her answer was sufficient, she moved away from me and threw me my red winter jacket. I caught it awkwardly, but quickly set it off to the side.

"Haruko, do you even realize what time it is?" I asked, slipping my hand through my short brown hair in exasperation. It was rather common for her to forget simple details when she was excited. Haruko cast me a perplexed look before looking out the window and noticing it was dark out. In her surprise, her head flew to the clock and she sweat dropped at the time displayed on the digital readout.

"Yeah, it probably won't be open right now, will it?" she asked with a sheepish smile. I simply rolled my eyes at her behavior and watched as she slouched down onto her bed in defeat.

"Sometimes I wonder how it's possible that you're a second year at college," I mumbled, while throwing myself onto my previously occupied bed. The comforter was designed in a soothing striped patter with various shades of blue and green running through it. Haruko began to toy with the corner of her pillow, before snapping out of it as an idea crossed her mind.

"Well, we'll just have to go tomorrow after class!" she exclaimed. In satisfaction, she lay back on the mattress, still fully dressed, and crossed her knees, "Is that okay, Haruhi?"

I gave her another long look of consideration. I knew she was only worried about me, but I still found it annoying that she wanted to come with me to the mail room. Whatever that letter said, I had a feeling it was going to be private. Still, looking over at her and noticing her giving me the puppy dog stare, I had to acquiesce.

"Fine, but you have to promise not to look over my shoulder while I'm reading it, okay?" I said, laying out the terms of our agreement. I felt a little déjà vu in the moment. She was acting a lot like Tamaki and it was rather uncharacteristic of her.

"Alright! I can agree to that," she said happily. Smoothly, she got to her feet and began to change her clothes. I was already in my pajamas and had been intending on going to bed when she walked in, so I turned over on my back and pulled my blankets over me.

"Turn the light off when you're done," I said as I drifted off into sleep.

The next morning, I found myself sitting in one of my numerous classes, tapping my pencil impatiently against the notebook that I should have been taking notes in. Normally, I was highly diligent in my note taking, but today my thoughts were drifting in and out of focus as I began to imagine what that letter would say. This was my last class of the day, which made me lucky considering that when it ended it would only be noon. Haruko had piano lessons until twelve-thirty, but I knew I could wait that long for her.

Still, it was becoming increasingly aggravating that I couldn't concentrate on the discussion that was going on around me. I was in a Japanese literature class. It wasn't exactly necessary for my major of pre-law, but I thought that I should get a taste in all different subjects while in school. So far, the class had been rewarding. I really liked the setup of the classroom. All the tables were turned inwards so that all the students could get a clear view of each other, and the teacher sat on equal ground with us, just as much a part of the discussion as the students. Usually, I was an active participant in said discussions, even if I wasn't as well versed on the topics as Japanese or Language Arts majors, but today their words seemed more like gibberish to me than anything else.

After what seemed like an eternity to my internal clock, the professor dismissed the class. As I was leaving the room, I saw her cast me a worried, disjointed sort of look. It made my stomach clench. Did I really look so distant that she would notice? I gave her a tentative smile, mainly to ease her nerves, before exiting the room.

On my way back to my dormitory, I noticed many people huddling closely in groups around some kind of paper. I didn't really pay it too much mind, since the people here were just as into gossip as the people in high school. Writing it off as a mere rumor being spurred on by the local newspaper, I didn't see the subtle looks of pity they were shooting me as I walked down the sidewalk.

As soon as I arrived at my building, I placed my student I.D in front of the card scanner. The door gave a mechanical beep before I heard the lock slide out of place. Heaving open the white metal door, I walked the three floors to my room and quickly shut the window upon entering. The weather had begun to become frigid in the last few days. Haruko and I usually left our window open though because the heating sometimes caused our room to become unbearably hot and uncomfortable.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that it had taken more time to get to my dorm than I had anticipated and it was now only fifteen minutes until Haruko got out of her lesson. Oddly enough, as soon as I took a seat on my bed, Haruko shot through the door. She looked panicked and her face was abnormally ashen. Also, I noticed that her fingers were shaking on the doorknob.

When she saw me sitting calmly on my bed with a perplexed expression crossing my face, she let out a shaky breath and smiled at me. It was very obviously a fake smile. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her, and hers widened in response before giving me a sheepish grin.

"O-oh, hey, Haruhi! I wasn't expecting you to be here so soon," she said as she took a step into the room. I quickly got up and proceeded to walk towards her.

"I could say the same for you. Technically, you still have another ten minutes of piano lesson left," I said, the suspicion clearly coating all of my words. Haruko was still very visibly shaking, but I could tell that she was trying very hard to hide this from my notice.

"Well, my instructor let me out early today because he knew I wasn't concentrating very hard on the music. I couldn't get my mind off of that letter." Her voice only wavered slightly, and I had to give her credit for being almost successful at throwing me off the trail. Still, there was a hint of falsity in her words. Haruko was an absolutely deplorable liar, so I could always tell when she wasn't telling me the truth. Yet, it mostly seemed that she was circling around the truth instead of flat out lying to me.

"Okay, well, let's go get that letter then," I said slowly, almost as though I would scare her away. She did flinch slightly, but nodded her head in agreement before backing out of the room and gesturing me to follow her.

The mail room was across campus from where we lived, so the walk took a significant amount of time. On the way there, people continued to stare at me, and I noticed several of them whisper behind their hands to their friends. I was beginning to be concerned about the overall state of things. Most of the evidence I had to go on at the moment was not only inconclusive, but also extremely worrying. My usually easily pleased roommate was currently walking slightly in front of me with a very stiff posture as though she was tense and hyperaware of my presence behind her. Secondly, almost the entire school population was huddled around in different, scattered groups, reading some kind of newspaper, whispering behind their hands, and sometimes very obviously pointing at me. Both of these occurrences were extremely nerve-wracking, and I found myself chewing on my bottom lip in an effort to ease my tension.

As we stepped up to the door of the mail room, Haruko finally turned back to give me a slightly worried look. I had always been excellent at reading people, and right now was no exception. Her eyebrows were pulled down tightly to expose a crease between her vivid green eyes. Said eyes were unusually dull and her skin was peppered in goose bumps as though she was fighting off a chill. I thought she looked extremely sick, but I could tell that wasn't the reason for her abnormal pallor and demeanor. She was hiding something from me, and from the looks of it, it wasn't pleasant.

"Are you alright, Haruko?" I asked, the lines of my face easily setting into worry. Her behavior was concerning me and causing a knot of dread to settle into the pit of my stomach. At the question, she jumped and flipped back around to face the glass doors leading into the building. I could still see her reflection in the glass, but her hair was covering her face now so that I couldn't see her expression.

"Of course, Haruhi," she said simply, her voice strangely toneless. When she turned to me again, a bright smile was plastered onto her face, which I could again tell was rather fake. "Now, let's go inside!"

I simply nodded my head in the face of her exaggerated enthusiasm and moved to follow her inside. Haruko put a hand out to stop me. I looked over at her, the confusion and slight frustration now completely obvious on my face. She sighed and allowed her false composure to slide off her features for a brief moment, and I saw palpable concern for me written there.

"On second thought, I think you should go inside alone. You said you didn't want me reading over your shoulder anyways, right? So, I'll just wait outside," she said with a small smile. I allowed this, but I still couldn't speak so I once again nodded my head at her in reply. She quickly moved aside and went to a nearby bench to sit while she waited.

Deciding to ignore her strangeness for the time being, I pushed open the door and walked into the cozy wooden settings of the mail room. The room was permeated by a woody smell caused from the polish used on the floors and tables that were interspersed around the room for people to read their mail. Currently, there were only two other occupants in the room. One was the girl behind the counter, who was looking at me tentatively; the other was a male student sitting at a table reading his mail, a newspaper shoved carelessly away from him.

I walked up to the counter and smiled at the girl since I recognized her as the one Haruko pointed out that lived on our floor. In response, she gave a small wave before retreating into the back room in order to get my letters from my box. By the time she returned, the boy, or man rather, was standing and walking out of the door without acknowledging me at all. I quietly thanked him for that because all the unnecessary attention I was receiving from the rest of the student body was giving me the creeps.

The girl handed me three letters and then disregarded me completely. I could tell she wasn't being rude but was instead uncomfortable with my presence. Shrugging it off, I turned to the table that the man had just abandoned and took a seat in one of the plush chairs placed around it. I flipped through the letters and placed the letter from my father and my bank statement aside. Holding the last letter in the stack tightly in my hand, I glanced at the fancy, perfect writing that adorned the front in crisp black ink, even the envelope seemed heavier than normal, which was most likely caused from the high quality.

My name was spelled out clearly on the front in Japanese kanji, followed by the school address and my box number. I was momentarily stunned that the sender knew my box number, before remembering how crafty the Host Club could be when it came to finding out information. I ran my fingers over the lettering, admiring the way the pen strokes sank into the parchment. Flipping over the letter, I was just about to rip open the envelope when something caught my eye. The man had left the paper on the table, but that wasn't what I found so odd about the whole ordeal. There on the front page was an oddly familiar face, smiling out through the colored photograph printed crudely on the gray background.

'_Tamaki.'_

I hastily pulled the bulky pages toward me, forgetting about the letter in the face of this new curiosity. Checking the date of the paper, I saw that it was printed just today. Something in my mind clicked together the pieces of the strange stares I had been receiving and the significance of this particular article. I felt something inside of me break apart at the bold headline.

_**Tragic Death in the Suoh Family**_

_Tragedy has befallen one of Tokyo's most prominent families this week…_

I couldn't even read the rest of the words. A deep seated panic began to set into my body, and I could feel my heart pounding loudly in my ears, causing a headache to form in my forehead. The picture of Tamaki was between the headline and the article, offering no confusion as to who had died. Vaguely, I noticed that the picture that was used wasn't recent, but was instead from high school and he was dressed in the typical Ouran uniform.

I threw the paper away from myself as though burned, hardly allowing myself to believe the awful words printed there. Yet again something caught my attention though. My name. It was there in the article. Tentatively bringing the paper back to me, I skimmed through before coming to the paragraph detailing Tamaki's survivors. I had never liked that word used as a description for the family still living. It seemed so insensitive, and it practically begged for the living members to feel guilty. I know I had when my mother's obituary appeared.

_Tamaki is survived by his mother and father, as well as his close friends Ootori Kyoya, Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru, Haninozuka Mitsukuni, Morinozuka Takashi, and Fujioka Haruhi._

It was so odd that his _friends _would be given in the list that my heart practically stopped beating then and there. But, it was Tamaki and he had always considered us as his family, so it wasn't too out of character. Knowing him, he had probably requested us to be named. Still, tears were threatening to escape my eyes. Again, I threw the paper away from myself vehemently, but this time I let it skid across the table and onto the floor.

I snatched the letter back to me and cradled it to my chest as though it would protect me from the pain. I recognized some piece of me that wanted the letter to be from Tamaki, just to prove the horrible article wrong, but the other part of me realized what this letter must be. I turned the letter over once more, this time with shaky, unsteady hands. The seal broke easily and I pulled the flap open before pulling the thick sheet out of the envelope. It was folded into three equal parts and there appeared to be two pieces of paper stapled together in the top left corner.

Unfolding the letter, I noticed that it was dreadfully formal and with this realization, the hope fled from me, leaving behind a bitter pain that clenched my stomach into knots. With a headache pounding behind my forehead and the knots in my stomach growing in intensity, I was so nauseous that I knew I would be sick soon. There were tears dripping down my nose onto the paper, causing the words to blur and distort, but it was undeniably readable and it took most of my being just to finish the short, one-paragraph letter.

_Fujioka Haruhi,_

_Regrettably, as you must already know, my son was killed tragically this week in an unforeseeable accident. As I remember, you and Tamaki were quite close during his time at Ouran High School and it feels only appropriate to offer you my condolences in this hard time. As a result of this intimacy, I feel it is my responsibility to offer you an invitation to his funeral. It will be held in France at his mother's current place of dwelling. There is a map attached which gives detailed directions to this home from the airport. Lodging will be provided for you, so all you need to purchase is an airplane ticket. I sincerely hope that you will attend, but if you do so choose to come, please take a month's time off of your schedule in order to properly mourn the loss of you dear friend. If you do not attend, please accept my good wishes to you at college and in the future._

I decided to completely disregard the closing sentiment. It didn't mean much to me, and I was already swimming in sadness. The letter seemed so clinical and unattached considering it was from Tamaki's father. It was so callous that a fresh wave of bitterness swelled inside of me. Remembering their previous interactions, I knew that his detached voice was only a formality and that they had cared about each other to some extent, but in my grief, I hardly recognized this fact. Only one real thought was coming to mind at the moment, and it was completely occupying my attention as it probably would for the next month or so.

'_Suoh Tamaki is dead.'

* * *

_

**I hope that the beginning wasn't too boring, but I needed to introduce Haruhi as a college student and give insight into her new life. I'm sorry if you're sad about Tamaki, and it really hurt me to have him die, but it's part of the story line. **

**Please review!**


	2. The Boiling Point

**A/N: Hello, lovely readers! I hope you enjoy this next installment of this experimental story. I hope it is not riddled with errors, but that's the problem with reading over your own work, I suppose. Anyways, happy reading!**

**Thanks to my reviewers: iChocoLove, Everfly, Mimi-dudette, and Banana Skittle. I love all of you! Please accept my humble offering of cyber cookies…not the bad kind.

* * *

**

_Chapter 2: The Boiling Point

* * *

_

The glass doors leading outside creaked in protest as I shot through them. I was sprinting down the sidewalk, and I could vaguely hear Haruko attempting to get my attention as I ran away from her. I knew where I was going, but the fear inside of me was causing me to be erratic in my movements. Tears continued to burn hot paths down my cheeks, and the wind stung as it slapped painfully against my wet face. Haruko's long legged strides quickly caught up to me, and her hand landed roughly on my shoulder, attempting to stop me. I ripped away from her rather forcefully, and the sudden movement caused her to become unbalanced. She fell to the concrete with a thud on her knees. I barely even flinched at the sound.

When Hikaru and Kaoru had left, there had been many things that I had to do to prepare for the inevitable pain of losing them. I took several pictures of the three of us together, even though I hated getting pictures and rarely took any of my own. It just seemed necessary to have something to remember them with other than pictures with the rest of the Host Club, seeing as a whole year had been spent with them without any of the others. Another of these things had been to give them back the cell phone that they had given me to keep in touch with me. It was tempting to just keep it, but I figured if they were going out of Japan like the others, then they didn't need a constant reminder of me whenever their cell phone bill came in. An additional deciding factor had been that I doubted they paid for their own bills, and I couldn't, in good conscience, allow their parents to continue paying for me.

Rain was beginning to pour out of the bleak gray clouds overhead, and I wished that my legs could carry me faster. The added rain made the wind burn on my face extraordinarily painful as the droplets slanted down around me. Haruko was once again behind me, but she was keeping a safe distance from me. Our footsteps pounded into the quickly forming puddles, and I veered to the left quickly into the grass. The ground was soft from rain, and I felt mud fly around my ankles as I continued to run spastically toward my destination. Up ahead, under the safety of a stone outcropping, was an old pay phone. It was rarely used, and I had never had reason to use it until now because my dad liked sending me letters, and I didn't mind paying the postage in order to send him back ones. Today, however, was a special occasion.

I practically collapsed against the side of the pay phone. The blue paint was chipping off the side of the box, and I could see fingerprints on the shiny black receiver as well as on the numbers. Taking a deep breath to calm my pounding heart, I began fishing around in my jean pockets for change. Grabbing a handful, I pulled it out of my pocket and began to count out how much I would need to use the phone. By this time, Haruko had stopped next to me, not breathing quite as heavily as me since she needed half the amount of steps that I did. Ignoring her, I swung to face the phone and slotted the amount of change I needed into the coin slot. Picking up the receiver, I waited until I heard a dial tone before dialing my father's number rapidly. My fingers ached slightly from the cold mixed with the abuse they had just received when I pounded on the keys.

The ringing on the line was making my headache more severe, and I was silently hoping that my father was awake. He usually woke up in the morning, unless his night at the bar was hectic, but, considering my luck, I wasn't allowing myself to get too hopeful. Both of my hands were shaking, which had little to do with the chill and much more to do with the way my emotions were currently going haywire. Most of the time, I could easily say that I rarely was unable to handle a situation. My logical mind was easily one of my best assets, and I always used it. Where most people panicked, I thought of solutions. Unfortunately, my mind was failing me at the moment. None of my thoughts were staying in my mind for longer than a few seconds, and each train of thought that I followed quickly disintegrated upon coming into contact with the startling fact that _Tamaki was dead_. Nothing in my mind survived past that point.

My fingers began to twitch impatiently against the phone as it rang for the fourth time. On the other end, there was a click and then my father's voice came onto the line with a confused 'hello'. Letting out a breath that I was unaware I had been holding, I leaned my body against the wall next to the pay phone, gripping the phone tightly in my hands. Haruko was looking at me with concern, but I didn't have the presence of mind to worry about her. Actually, I was really angry with her. I obviously had figured out _why _she had been acting so weird, but it irked me that she hadn't even _said _anything to me. Instead, I was brutally informed by a newspaper that I had never even read.

"Dad," I said. My throat was constricting, and it was becoming an effort to talk. There was barely a moment's pause after my chocked greeting before he launched into a spiel about how much he missed me. He was halfway through questioning me about why I never called, when I finally found my voice again.

"Not to be rude or anything, but I have something important to talk to you about." He immediately stopped talking, and I could practically see him sulking in a corner about my apparent lack of interest in his words. After what I figured was enough time for him to collect himself, I continued, "I need to go to France."

There was silence on his end of the line as he let the words settle over him. Obviously this was not at all what he had been expecting. Really, I couldn't blame him. It wasn't every day that your daughter just got on the phone and started talking about flying to another country. Actually, I was in a state of shock myself. This morning I had been contemplating what kind of cereal I wanted; now I was preparing for a trip to France. But, no matter what, I had to find a way to get there. That piece of knowledge was sustaining me and keeping me from going crazy.

"Haruhi, is there a reason for this?" he asked. From the tone of his voice, I could tell that he already damn well _knew _why I wanted to go to France. I wasn't sure why he wanted to get me to say it out loud. Maybe he thought he was wrong and all I wanted was to go for a school trip, but he should know better than to think that me and coincidences ran in the same circle. My grip on the phone unconsciously tightened.

"You know why, dad!" I was now yelling. It was a rare occasion for me to lose my temper, but I thought I had a significant reason this time. Haruko jumped at my words. I'm sure my dad had done the same.

"You're right, Haruhi, I do know. Luckily, you have a passport from that trip you took with…y'know…when you were together. But, how do you plan to pay for this trip?" I did know. I had finally gotten a passport when Tamaki decided to take me to Fiji for a small vacation before he left for college. It was one of the most memorable times in my life. At the question, I pulled out my crumpled bank statement from my coat pocket. Fortunately before my mind completely shut down, I had looked it over to see if I had enough money for a plane ticket. Then, I had proceeded to crush it in my fist, shove it in my pocket, and sprint madly out of the mail room.

"I have enough money in my bank account for a ticket there," I said after double checking my hasty calculations. He didn't notice my very particular word choice. Haruko did however, and she shot me a very suspicious look.

"When are you going to leave?" This question gave me pause for a few moments. I allowed my brain to run out of thoughts before even attempting to organize a coherent answer.

"On the next plane to France," I said. The…funeral…invitation didn't specify a day to arrive, but I was assuming that it was a 'as soon as possible' kind of thing, which would give reason for the whole _month _that he was asking me to take off of school. Considering all the different travel arrangements and the length of time it took for each invitation to be received, it would probably take a considerable amount of time for each of the Suoh's guests to arrive.

With those words, my father's apparent façade of indifference shattered, and he began to speak in a garbled mess about how he was 'so sorry' for me and that I was too young to have to 'experience such adult emotions'. He had never been too keen on Tamaki, but he had lightened up considerably while we were dating. Tamaki made me happy, and my father hadn't wanted to ruin my first real relationship. I allowed him to run out of steam before even attempting to talk again.

"Haruhi, I'm driving you to the airport," he said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. After his previous rambling, it was such a shock that I had to agree. Mechanically, I told him to pick me up later tonight. I had no real idea when the next available flight to France was, but I needed to go home anyways in order to pick up some formal clothes. I figured that the latest that I could leave would be sometime tomorrow.

After we said our goodbyes, I hung up the phone and retreated from under the safety of the outcropping. My hair was thoroughly drenched and this caused it to stick to my face in clumps. Considering my overall emotional state, I found the weather to be appropriate if not a little bit irritating. Haruko was trotting behind me, keeping her mouth shut and allowing me to think. Looking back at her, I noticed that she looked a lot like a kicked puppy and that rips had formed in her pants from when she fell to the ground. Sighing, I stopped and turned around to get a full view of her. She seemed almost scared of me as I walked back to where she was standing. It made me feel almost bad about my earlier actions, and that was not good for the already large jumble of emotions that were taking up space in my head.

"I don't know how much you understood of that conversation, but that letter was a funeral invitation for Tamaki in France. I have enough money for a ticket there, and my dad is picking me up tonight so that he can drive me to the airport where I can get on the soonest flight out of Japan," I said, explaining the past few minutes to her. The elucidation helped me as much as it helped her since I was still reeling and working on instinct alone. It bothered me that I was running on impulse because I naturally over thought everything. I could see my breath forming in white puffs in front of me as I breathed heavily into the cold air.

"I'm sorry that I didn't mention anything to you about Tamaki. I was just about to start my lessons when a group of people rushed up to me and began chattering about you. They wanted to know how you knew Tamaki and all this other stuff about you. I asked why they wanted to know, and they shoved the paper into my face. I was appalled. I wasn't lying about why my lesson was cancelled. My instructor had obviously seen the article and decided to give me time off to be with you. I ran back to the room, prepared to help you, but when I saw you just sitting on your bed…I couldn't say anything. The words just stuck in my mouth. I had a feeling that letter was nothing good, so I decided to just let you come to it on your own. Obviously, I made a mistake in that," she said. It was the longest, most drawn out apology I'd ever heard, but it didn't help to ease the nausea that was gradually becoming stronger.

"Haruko, it's fine. I don't really want to think about it right now." The reply was choppy and not at all forgiving, but it was all I could manage. "You can come with me tonight, if you want."

The second statement caused a small smile to come to her face, and she nodded infinitesimally. I couldn't seem to get over how pathetic she looked, and it bothered me. She had never even _known _Tamaki, but she was before me looking worse than me. Rapidly blinking away a fresh set of tears, I turned back around and began running to our room. Running seemed to ease my thoughts a little. It was easier for me to think when my body was moving at the same pace as my mind.

* * *

The next plane to France left at eight o'clock in the morning. I was fidgeting anxiously in the leather seats of my dad's beat up, blue car, while Haruko was humming tunelessly in the back seat. My dad was staying silent, which was a small blessing in the car. The walls seemed to be closing in on me as we got closer to the airport. I was being completely reckless by flying out of the country when I had no way of getting back. My dad didn't know that, and Haruko only had a small suspicion. Yet, that seemed like a small detail to me right now.

When I had returned to my dorm room, I had noticed a folded piece of paper taped to the black door. It was barely noticeable in the middle of the white paper snowflakes that Haruko and I had cut out to celebrate winter. My name was legibly written on the front, so I ripped it down and fled into the safety of my room. I had already formed a deep distrust of letters. Haruko noticed my panicky behavior and decided to ignore me for the time being to give me some small semblance of privacy in our tightly packed room.

Folding open the paper, I noticed that it was a quickly scribbled note from the dean's office. My heart immediately plummeted at the thought of the dean contacting me. I had never before made contact with him and I wasn't even sure if I knew his name. Sighing, I gathered my courage and began to read.

_Fujioka-san,_

_It has come to my attention that you will need a month off of classes because of personal business. This note is to inform you that your grant for leave has been accepted, and you may leave as soon as it is beneficial to you. Please contact me when you plan to return to class. Thank you and have lovely day._

_Signed,_

_Dean of Students_

I blinked for a few moments at the haphazardly scrawled words on the page before a small laugh erupted from my lips. Haruko jumped at the sound and turned to look at me with shocked eyes. I was laughing insanely and she looked a little scared of me. The only explanation I could give for the sudden outburst of laughter was that I had finally snapped from the stress of the day. The note slipped from my fingers and fluttered uselessly to the floor. Haruko snatched it up, curious as to what it could say that would cause such a reaction in me. Quickly skimming through the words, she looked up at me in confusion.

"Damn rich people," I replied. It was the only thing I could manage to say as tears once again drained from my eyes. I didn't think I had ever cried so much in my entire life.

Now, I was picking listlessly at the threads that stitched the leather together. The radio was playing softly in the background, but except for that it was silent between the three occupants of the car. The airport loomed ever closer, and I could already see planes taking off and coming in from my vantage point. I had never enjoyed being close to the airport because it was unnerving seeing how low the planes were as they flew overhead.

My dad was winding through the traffic leading to the Tokyo airport and it wasn't long until we were parked in the parking garage. I jumped out of the car, grateful for the fresh air. Haruko languidly emerged from the backseat, while my dad locked the doors. I was already walking towards the elevator by the time they caught up with me. I wasn't exactly in a rush, but it was more painful to stay in one spot than to move. As long as I was doing something, my thoughts couldn't catch up with me and Tamaki was safely placed somewhere where he couldn't hurt me.

This strategy wouldn't work for long. Once I arrived at his mother's house, I knew I would break all over again. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't really looking forward to seeing my friends. They would only remind me of what I had lost, of what _we _had lost. I was sure that we wouldn't be able to function in the same way without the glue that had held us together. Really, without Tamaki and his 'ideas', we were all a bit…_strange. _I was a bookworm that liked to study more than have fun, Kyoya was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, Hikaru and Kaoru were loners that liked to tease everyone merely because they _weren't them _and thought of living people as toys, Honey was a full grown man that enjoyed cake and cute things, and Mori was…well, he was Mori.

Of course, those were only general approximations of their personalities. I hadn't seen them in a long time, and I had no idea if they had changed. I was sure that some aspects of them had become different, but a person never really strayed too far from their base personality.

I had a backpack thrown over my shoulder that was barely full. It contained a book and a CD player with CD's that would help to keep my mind occupied while I was on the flight. My entire day was going to be spent in the air, so I also had a change of clothes packed in there. I had a feeling that I was going to feel grimy after sitting for so long.

My luggage was being rolled along by my father behind me, and Haruko was keeping a steady pace beside me. We were now inside the terminal and my ticket was waiting for me. I quickly checked the departure list and saw that my flight was still on time. This allowed for little comfort though, and my stomach churned angrily at me. It was seven o'clock now, and I saw Haruko discreetly yawn behind her hand. I was grateful that she had willingly given up a day at school for me, and it made me feel more secure to know that I still had one predictable friend.

I checked in my luggage quickly and it was time to say goodbye. My father gave me a tight hug and began to babble once more. His long hair tickled my nose and I had to fight back a sneeze as he pulled away from me. Haruko wasn't much better. She was in much worse condition than my father because she had been up all night with me while I alternated between running to the bathroom to get sick and crying in my bed pathetically.

My fingers were playing with the hem of my shirt, and my heart was pounding loudly in my ears. Everything seemed to be moving at an alarming pace, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. They were looking at me oddly, and I noticed with some resentment that they were worried about me. To tell the truth, I was worried about me too.

"I won't be gone forever," I said, attempting to use a joke to lighten to tense atmosphere. My posturing failed miserably, but I gave them a shaky smile anyways. Haruko returned it, but my father looked extremely serious. I could understand his trepidation. I was only nineteen years old, but I was flying halfway around the world alone. "Don't worry about me; I'll be back before you know it."

My dad nodded and reached out to place a hand on my shoulder. It was heavy and it felt like I was drowning under his presence.

"I love you, Haruhi, never forget that." His words were spoken with such conviction that I knew that I would never forget this moment. I nodded, returned the sentiment, and grabbed his hand. It was painful to remove his hand from my shoulder, but I was already having second thoughts about leaving alone with him staring at me like that. This was something I needed to do by myself…and with the other Host Club members. Anybody else would feel like an intrusion.

Steeling my nerves, I stepped back and turned around, departing from their company as though I barely knew them. Haruko called a 'goodbye' to me and I could practically see her waving at me. It was easier to move forward the farther that I got from them, and by the time I was through security, I was thinking about Tamaki again.

It felt awful to move past the food stands and shops as I walked rapidly towards my flight gate. Unfortunately, it was clear across the terminal from where I was now, and quite a bit of walking would be needed before I could sit down and drown my thoughts in my book or in music. The smell of greasy fast food wafted around me and I quickened my pace as my stomach protested the thought of food. I knew eventually I would have to eat something, but today was not that day if I had any hope of holding it down.

People were jostling against me as they hurried towards their own destinations, and I vaguely noted that the airport was probably the busiest place in the world at only seven-thirty in the morning. The sunlight was pouring in from the glass windows on my right, and I saw the different patches of light that were scattered around the floor. The other early morning travelers kept their heads up and their thoughts on business or other such things. They barely paid any attention to the girl who was dragging her feet across the linoleum, counting the number of tiles on the floor and who had just lost her best friend and once lover.

I had never felt so insignificant in my life as they stepped around me. Nobody acknowledged me or gave me even a passing glance, so it was with relief that I took my seat in the cushioned chair at my gate. I checked the destination and was minutely relieved that I had gotten the correct place. I had been so slow to arrive that they were already boarding the first class passengers. My ticket was still firmly in my hand, so I glanced at the row number and saw that I was close to the back. It wouldn't be long before I could board.

As I predicted, a mere ten minutes after the first class people had boarded, I was walking to the flight attendant and handing her my ticket. She scanned and was apparently satisfied as she handed it back to me with a smile. I couldn't even force myself to return the sentiment. I probably looked like a zombie as I walked lifelessly onto the plane and took my seat. Luckily, I was by the window and not squashed between two people. I probably wouldn't be able to handle it if I had people trying to make conversation with me the entire ride. This way I could successfully ignore them by pretending to be asleep or reading with my headphones placed firmly in my ears.

I clicked my seatbelt into place, so I wouldn't be bothered to do it later, and stuffed my bag beneath my seat. I continued to hold my ticket in a death grip, not caring that it crumbled a little in my fist. It was now my lifeline, weakly holding me together. My row mates took their seats next to me, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the airplane wall. The rumble of the engine was oddly soothing and it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

_The plane jumped erratically and the tinny voice of the pilot came over the speakers as he announced that we were experiencing turbulence. I thought that that would be obvious, but nonetheless people began panicking as soon as the speaker clicked off. Although I knew it was coming, I still felt my heart tumbling in my chest and I grabbed the armrest next to me in a white knuckled grip. In shock, I lifted my hand away as though burned when I came into contact with skin. The hand that I had just unintentionally grabbed lifted and grabbed my own. _

_My eyes jumped to the person's face and I reeled in alarm as I saw nothing but familiar blonde hair and warm blue eyes. He was smiling at me, but I could do nothing but gape at him. Suddenly, I felt very much like a character in that American show _Lost_._

"_T-tamaki." His name was the only word that I could manage. I almost blurted out that _he was supposed to be dead_, but I thought that might scare him away. My whispered statement caused his smile to grow broader, and he squeezed my hand in reassurance. Then, the plane lurched unnaturally and I knew we were going to crash. The overhead lights flickered and died, and we were plunged into pitch black darkness. _

"_Don't be scared, Haruhi, I'll always protect you," Tamaki said, but his fingers were already drifting away from my own. I panicked and lurched in his direction. The seatbelt stopped my movements though and no matter how much I clawed at the silver buckle I was trapped in my seat. I could still make out the outline of his face though, and this gave me some comfort. _

_His fingers were suddenly there once more, tracing the lines of my cheekbones tenderly. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. Everyone around us was screaming and crying, but I could find only serenity. Tamaki's lips moved in the darkness, but I couldn't hear what he was saying in the chaos surrounding us. My hair whipped around my face, and I placed my hands over his own on my cheeks. _

_The was a great cracking noise as our section of the plane ripped brutally away from the front half. The fall wasn't much longer to the ground, and soon we were plummeting though the tree line. Our half skidded over the ground, knocking over the trees in the way and surely killing all the people unfortunate enough to be in the first row of the back half. Tamaki and I were still holding each other, but there was something wrong. His eyes seemed glazed, and his fingers were no longer smoothing patterns across my face. _

_Our half gave one final lurch before succumbing to the laws of nature and stopping. There was no noise as I breathed heavily. I was miraculously unscathed, but Tamaki was still worrying me. I moved my hands, and his immediately fell away from me. My eyes widened in realization and I quickly fiddled with the clutch to my seatbelt. It came undone with ease and I groaned in irritation that it was a finicky bastard and chose when it would work. Dropping that for now, I stood and then kneeled before Tamaki, shaking his shoulder. The movement caused him to slump further in his seat, and his eyes stared unseeingly into my own._

"_Somebody please help me!" I screamed. There was only silence following my declaration. I stood and looked around the ruined innards of the plane. The lights were dangling by their wires from the ceiling and everything was in a state of disarray. The faces staring back at me were all dead and lifeless._

_I screamed._

I was jolted out of my sleep by someone shaking me forcefully. My throat was raw from screaming, and I jumped away from the hand in fear. Then, I saw that I was still on a completely intact plane, and that everyone was staring at me with life in their eyes. I curled back in my seat, my eyes wide on the flight attendant that had shaken me awake. The two men sitting next to me were leaning as far away from me as possible in the small seats.

"Miss, would you like to use the restroom?" The question was polite, but I could tell that she was irritated that I had caused such a disturbance on the plane. We were obviously far enough in the air that it was safe to move about the cabin. I nodded quickly and got out of my seat.

I practically ran past her and into the bathroom. It was cramped and more than a little disgusting, but it was somehow comforting. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my face was extremely pale in the fluorescent lighting. My hands were shaking as I placed them on the sink.

I felt so guilty. In that dream, I had been presented with the opportunity to save Tamaki and I had failed. Instead, he had died, holding my hand in the darkness. I couldn't even distinguish what was worse, Tamaki dying away from me, possibly alone, or almost literally in my arms. I knew that it was only a dream, but it had been horrendously realistic and I was hard pressed to erase it from my mind.

When I walked unsteadily back to my seat, I noticed that the men were still staying as far away from me as possible. It irritated that they thought that I was some kind of leper simply because I had had a bad dream. I was sure if someone close to them had died they would be doing the same. I pulled my music player and book from the confines of my bag and decided that sleeping was no longer an option on this plane ride.

* * *

**A/N: That chapter seemed to drag on for longer than necessary and I feel like it ended in a strange spot. I debated with myself for a long time about where to end, and I had a place in mind but then I kept writing and it got out of hand. Sorry about that! **

**As always, please review!**


	3. Familiar Faces

**A/N: Damn. I'm rather disappointed in myself because I really wanted to keep this story on a schedule of some sort. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed your holidays! Welcome back to school. **

**Thanks to all my reviewers: Chibi Panda Pan, Everfly, TwilightFever-FutureCullen, Mimi-dudette, Banana Skittle, and my anonymous reviewer: CrystalDragon791. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. –Insert witty banter here-

* * *

**

_Chapter 3: Familiar Faces

* * *

_

The grimy clothes swept off my body in a flourish as I stood huddling in a stall in the airport terminal restroom. It wasn't as cramped as the bathroom on the plane, but it was still enough to make me have to curl my elbows uncomfortably close to my body. All around me women were chattering in high voices, speaking fluently to each other in several different languages. The only two I could pick out were French and English, but I could only understand the latter. Moving quickly, I stuffed my dirty clothes into my backpack and pulled out the clothes that I had folded on the bottom of the bag.

The black skirt flowed nicely around my legs, and it reached down to my knees. It was one of my favorite pieces of formal attire because it didn't constrict me like other dresses and skirts were wont to do. The white shirt I had picked out was promptly buttoned up, and then I unlocked the stall door and came face to face with my reflection in the wall-to-wall mirror. I was slightly pale from lack of proper nutrition, and my eyes were ringed with purple looking bags. I sighed heavily and ran my fingers through my hair to pull out knots, knowing that it was the only thing I could do for the moment.

My fingers clenched my skirt into small wads as I shoved the door open with my shoulder. Charles de Gaulle Airport was a loud, bustling mass of people, and I stood fidgeting for a moment in the entrance of the bathroom before a woman forcefully pushed me aside to enter. Stunned at her audacity, I merely allowed myself to be moved before hitching my backpack further up my shoulder and moving purposefully towards a currency exchange desk.

The people behind the desk seemed to be extremely busy, and I bit my lip as I moved to the back of the line. The man in front of me was tapping his toe impatiently. Vaguely, I wondered what had him so antsy. Of course, my own fingers were tapping a pattern on my folded arms, but I was more concerned about what was going to happen _after _I left the confines of the airport.

Once I was off the plane, I had moved through a haze and made my way over to the bathroom immediately. I was moving at a distinctly slow pace because I was worried about being alone in France. It didn't help matters that I was currently in _Paris_, and all around me couples were holding hands and glancing lovingly at each other. The city of romance, my ass. I was here for a funeral.

"Excuse me, mademoiselle, do you need your currency exchanged?" The French accent caught me off guard, and I snapped guiltily out of my thoughts. The only free woman behind the counter was looking at me with a hint of anxiousness. Chancing a glance behind me, I noticed that the line had significantly grown since I entered it. Sighing, I made my way to the desk and thanked the heavens that I knew English since I certainly didn't know any French.

Knowing that she was nervous about the long line of travelers, I quickly handed her the yen in my backpack. Counting through it swiftly, she counted out the requisite amount of Euros for me. Holding my yen in one hand, she passed me the stack of Euros and turned to the next person. Murmuring my thanks, I scrambled away from the desk and the angry, irritated people that had crowded around it. Looking at the money in my hands, I began to thumb through it, feeling the odd texture of it.

I was wandering towards the baggage claim, not really watching where I was going. People bumped into me left and right, but I didn't have the presence of mind to care. Crunching the crisp bills in my hand, I shoved them into the side pocket of my backpack. It irritated me that the world was in such a rush to move hastily. I just wanted everything to slow down and have some semblance of normalcy again. I was so completely out of my element, and I wanted to scream as the weight of my situation settled over me.

By this time, I was walking past a line of the rotating machines that churned out bags at an alarming rate. I glanced up and read the number of each flight on the display boards. Unfortunately, my flight was smack dab in the middle, and I was once again surrounded by people. Running my fingers through my hair, I leaned against a nearby pillar to wait. As soon as I got comfortable, there was a clunking sound and our machine began to move. The first bag out was a nondescript black suitcase. I saw a few people walk up to it in expectation, only to fade away almost immediately when they saw the name on the luggage tag. To avoid this same problem, I had tied a rainbow colored ribbon to the handle of my red rolling suitcase. I mentally applauded myself for my foresight.

My feet were already beginning to hurt from the heels that I had stuffed them into. They were nice, black, and strappy, but they certainly weren't made to be worn at airports where most people's time was spent standing around waiting for something or other. My bag finally came churning into view, and it was one of the last on the conveyor. I could already hear the complaints from a few people who had lost their bag in translation. My sympathy only ran so far. I was simply grateful that mine had actually turned up. It would have been rather embarrassing to show up at Tamaki's mother's house with nothing but my old grimy clothes and the ones I was currently wearing.

Waiting until the bag came around the bend towards me, I walked forward and began to attempt to heave my heavy suitcase off the belt. It was loaded with things I would need for the next month, which made it extremely oversized. The bag was practically pulling me along with it, and I was growing slightly irritated because I could hear someone chuckling behind me. Ignoring them, I continued with my struggle until someone's hand shot into view. It brushed over my arm, sending a light tingling through my body. The reaction startled me, and my arm moved away from the hand's reach. I looked immediately to the floor in embarrassment because it wasn't everyday that some random stranger's arm brushed yours and sent you into a fit.

My luggage landed in front of me with a clunk, and I reached out to take it with my eyes still averted. The laughter from before started up again, and I was even more irritated when I realized that the chuckling from earlier had been coming from him.

"Thanks for your help, but I can take it from here," I snapped, snatching the handle from his hand rudely. My reaction only caused him to laugh harder, so I turned on my heel and began to walk away. His voice stopped me.

"You just looked like you could use some help," he said, and his voice was so familiar that I was tempted to turn around and look at him, but then I heard the amusement under his words and stayed firmly planted where I was, looking away from _him._

"Yes, well, thanks again," I replied. I was oozing false politeness, and I was sure he could see behind it, but he didn't comment otherwise.

"It wasn't a problem really. You just reminded me of someone I used to know," he said, his tone now serious. From the corner of my eye, I could see one of his hands tucked casually into his pocket while the other stayed at his side. He was leaning heavily on his right leg, so he looked completely relaxed, unlike me who was so obviously flustered. I had no reply for his odd sentiment, so I merely nodded and continued to walk towards the glass doors that led outside. He didn't attempt to stop me, but I could hear his voice calling out for someone. His exact words were lost though because of the throng of people that had moved between us.

The automatic doors slid open, and I rolled my suitcase outside. My heels clacked against the pavement as I made my way along a row of vehicles that were waiting for passengers. Up ahead I could see a taxi cab parked against the curb, and the driver was leaning casually on the hood. Seeing an opportunity, I rushed forward. Luckily, I wasn't as clumsy as Haruko or I would have fallen face first to the ground because of the god awful shoes that I was wearing.

"Excuse me, but are you waiting for someone specific?" I asked, my voice slightly wavering in fear of rejection. The man looked up from the book he was reading and glanced over me in a cursory way. I frowned but allowed him time to come some conclusion. I wasn't really in a rush. Finally, he stood from his seat and walked over to me.

"I'm not waiting for anyone, so are you in need of a ride?" he asked in return. I never liked my questions being answered by questions, so I narrowed my eyes slightly at him. He smirked good-naturedly but allowed the matter to drop. Reaching forward, he took my bag from my hand and walked around the edge of the car. Unlocking the trunk with one hand, he hauled my bag into the back before turning back to me expectantly. Nodding, I walked over to his side and he opened the back door for me. I smiled politely at him and slid into the black leather seat. I watched as he walked around and sat in the driver's seat.

Once he was secure inside the vehicle, he turned to me. "So, where you heading?" he asked, and I noticed immediately that while he had a French accent like the woman behind the currency exchange counter his wasn't nearly as dignified. Blinking at him rather intelligently, I reached over to my backpack, which was taking residence on the seat beside me, and pulled the worn directions from beneath the wad of Euros I had shoved in there. Handing the paper to him, he delicately unfolded it and scanned through it. His eyes visibly widened when he read the destination, but he was able to slip back into a professional mode.

"Alright, mademoiselle, this is only about half an hour outside the city limits, but it will take us a little while to get around traffic," he said, placing the directions on the dashboard. I didn't reply because it seemed foolish to say something now. From his changed tone, he obviously thought of me as some kind of royal, which was utter nonsense. If I opened my mouth now, he would probably assume that I was going there to rob it.

About a year previous, I had read about the death of Tamaki's grandmother on the Internet. While the pictures of the funeral didn't show Tamaki, his father was an obvious figure in most of them. It was a very formal affair and only people from the family had been invited. I scowled as I remembered that bitter woman's hatred towards Tamaki. It had always irritated me that he had tried to impress her even when she so obviously disdained his entire existence. It was a small miracle that Tamaki had outlived her.

Frowning out the window at the passing scenery, I scolded myself for even thinking about Tamaki as being dead. It hurt to acknowledge it, even in my own thoughts.

After her death, it became widespread knowledge that the Suoh family was supporting a maid in France. The information had initially raised a lot of controversy, but the Suoh family, being who they were, were able to rapidly and effectively end all the rumors that were surfacing. It was one of the only moments that I heard about anybody from the Host Club. All the other's families were not nearly as…loud…as Tamaki's, and they didn't have nearly as much baggage hidden behind the formal façade.

Knowing this, I was probably going to some kind of mansion. After all, there needed to be a building large enough to house all the guests for however long they were going to be there, and a mansion certainly seemed like an appropriate place to do just that.

The driver was pointing out sites of interest to me, trying to impress me in some way. It was too bad that I wasn't very interested in the city because the place really was very beautiful. We passed by a looming structure that looked like a palace, and he described it as the Louvre, probably the most famous museum in the world. The glass pyramid stood out among the old world architecture, and I remembered reading somewhere that it had been a source of conflict between the Parisians. They thought it looked tacky, while the tourists adored it. Obviously, it stayed. True to form, I adored the glass structure. I loved that it was so modern and so obviously ostentatious, but it somehow fit with the building around it. They supported each other.

The driver had been correct about the traffic. While we were in the city, everything was moving by at a monotonous pace, which was making me fidget. I couldn't decide whether I wanted things to slow down or speed up, and it was frustrating me to no end that I couldn't make up my damn mind. My companion's voice had long ago faded into the background and it was nothing more than a minor annoyance now. Instead, my thoughts had begun to catch up with me. With nothing to do-reading in cars made me nauseous and the batteries to my CD player had died-, I was driving myself insane. My head was leaning on the cool glass of the window.

It was winter in France and I could feel the chill through the thin fabric of my long sleeve shirt while goose bumps were forming on the exposed skin of my legs. I was cold, but I didn't want to interrupt the driver's string of nonsensical babble to ask him to turn up the heater. I was rude to one person today, so I figured that he could catch a break.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I remembered the mysterious stranger that had given me the chills and ticked me off all in five minutes. That had to be some kind of record, considering how composed I always tried to be. I had never had the chance to catch a look at his face because of my stubbornness, and that irritated me more than anything else that had happened during that encounter. Usually, I always looked at the people I was talking to. Manners were a good practice, but something about him had set me off and before I could think twice about it, I was out the door.

"_You just remind me of someone I used to know."_

What the hell did that have to do with anything? So, he just decides to help someone because she happens to look like someone he once knew? That seemed a little bit ridiculous, especially remembering how uncomfortable he had been. The hand that had been by his side had unconsciously fisted when I had spoken, and when I saw him from the corner of my eye, his left foot had been twitching irritably. It was apparent that he had rather been anywhere other than in front of me during the entire exchange. Strangely, he had hid it well behind the layer of amusement, which had been what had made me upset in the first place.

We were both hiding something.

Swallowing, I leaned back in the seat and took in the countryside. It was lovely. The grass stretched to unimaginable lengths across the earth with patches of snow dotted here and there. Most of it was melted, but the temperature in the air was calling for a serious storm soon when added to the gray clouds above. Hopefully, my driver would make it back to the city before any snow fell.

Up ahead there was a gravel pathway that was split by the road. Two women were standing at one edge of the path, waiting for the taxi to pass before moving forward once more in a light jog. I turned my head to watch them disappear into the leafless trees that lined the path. I was becoming curious about how much longer we were going to be when a large building came into view over a small hill. Behind us, small, modest houses had stood proudly among the overwhelming scenery, but this…this was probably my destination.

Not one to disappoint, my driver pulled into the perfectly smooth black driveway. He was forced to stop in front of the gates. Rolling down his window, he pressed a button on a panel next to the car. Static filled the line followed by an old, gravelly voice.

"Who is calling?" The tone sounded bored and slightly suspicious. I raised an eyebrow at this, but slid further down in my seat in embarrassment. Everyone else probably had limos taking them here; the butler probably thought we were street thugs when he saw the old taxi cab pull in on the camera monitor.

"I have brought a young lady here by the name of…" He stopped short and turned to look at me. I knew he was prompting me for my name, but my mouth was stupidly glued shut. "What's your name, mademoiselle?"

His question was a whisper, but I guessed that the butler could hear it. He probably was even more suspicious now. Gripping a fistful of my skit into my fists, I unstuck my mouth and whispered back to him.

"Fujioka Haruhi."

The sound of my name gave him pause for a moment, and I could see him mouthing it a few times to get used to the strange sound. Then, he turned back to the panel and spoke my name into the microphone. Distantly, I registered how odd my name sounded in a French accent.

"Hold on a moment, please." There was the sound of shuffling papers, and then another voice could be heard since the butler hadn't bothered to turn off the speaker. I heard the butler say my name to the other person, and then there was the sound of a small scuffle before the other man's voice came clearly from the little metal box.

"Haruhi, how lovely of you to join us. Let me just open the gates for you, dear." The voice was distinctly familiar, and I felt tears well up in my eyes as I recognized Tamaki's father from the other end.

There was a buzzing noise and then the gates swung open noiselessly. My driver simply drove forward and we made our way down the unnecessarily long driveway. There were signs of impeccable landscaping, but the season had overshadowed most attempts with ice and snow, so the grounds appeared a little barren.

By the time we had looped around the circle at the end of the driveway, I had managed to compose myself. Sighing, I went to open my door only to find that it was already being held open by the driver. I smiled politely at him and unfolded myself from the car. Stretching my arms above my head to remove the stiffness in my limbs, I felt the icy wind chill me again. Quickly pulling my arms back into myself to preserve body heat, I took the handle of my suitcase from the nameless driver in one hand and with the other I shoved the amount of Euros that I owed at him. He nodded his head at me and graciously accepted the money before walking back to the car and leaving me alone in front of the massive house.

Stealing my nerves, I walked forward and climbed the stairs to the front door, pulling my suitcase along with me. My backpack was weighing down my back, but it was keeping it warm and protecting it from the elements. I pulled a large amount of air into my lungs and knocked on the door, disregarding the doorbell. It was only a small few moments before the door opened to reveal the butler. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, and he had gray hair and blue eyes. His face had no expression, but I was slightly intimidated by him. He didn't say anything, but merely looked down at me, waiting for me to crack most likely.

Coughing into my fist to cover my sudden impulse to cry, I began to speak, but I didn't even get a few words out before I was interrupted by the butler.

"You must be Miss Haruhi," he said. I closed my mouth and nodded. My hands were crossed on top of the handle of my suitcase as though it was holding me up, and I was starting to shiver slightly from the cold. A silence descended upon us, and then he moved aside and swept his hand in front of him to usher me inside. Gratefully, I walked in as fast as my feet could carry me. "The Master apologizes for not being able to greet you himself because he is attending to some personal business, and the Lady is currently in town, so I will lead you to your room."

I blinked at him once because I really had no reply to that, and then followed him dutifully up the stairs. He allowed me to keep my luggage, which made me happy because I wouldn't like to have other people doing my dirty work. The grand staircase led to the upper floors in a flourish and the perfectly crafted wooden hand rails were smooth to the touch. We walked all the way up to the third floor, and then he led me off to a door. He opened them with the same grandeur that he had used on the main door. Then, without any more talk, he led me down the separate wing. Apparently, my room was at the far end of the hallway because he walked me all the way down before stopping in front of the last door on the right. I noticed that each doorway was spaced very evenly and very far apart.

"This shall be your room during your stay here. It was the Master's desire that you and Master Tamaki's other friends had your own personal wing, so you shall be sharing this hall with other people. Is that acceptable, Miss Haruhi?" the butler asked with the same stony face as before. I decided that he never showed emotion. It creeped me out a little bit. Maybe he wasn't allowed or something…

"Yes, that's fine," I replied, not really paying attention to his words or my own. He simply nodded and then moved off down the hallway.

Tentatively, I pushed open the door and nearly fell down when I saw the room. It was spacious…and totally gorgeous. The bed was tucked into one corner with a shining garnet colored bedspread with matching trim, pillow covers, and most likely sheets. The bedposts shot straight up to the ceiling and held up a red overhang. In the opposite corner, there was a low set of drawers with a television set sitting atop them. A full body mirror was to the left of me, standing upright next to a tall chest. This was all topped off with a plush carpet that my feet sank into and an assortment of paintings and small tables with full flower vases.

Swallowing down my amazement, I rolled my bag into the room and set it against the wall next to the chest. Then, I moved over to the bed and sank down into it with a sigh. I was so comfortable that I slipped the backpack off my shoulders and put it on the floor before laying back. My eyes were steadily drifting closed when I finally registered the butler's words.

"They're all living here!" My shout was so loud it could have probably woken the dead, but I didn't care. I was too much in shock to care. For the next month, I was going to be staying with all my friends in the same wing of a mansion…because Tamaki was dead. The tears came then and I curled onto my side in a ball. It was too much, too soon. It hurt, and my chest was clenching so painfully that I had to grab my shirt over my heart.

Vaguely, I heard the footsteps outside in the hallway, and I heard how frantic they were but I didn't put the pieces together that they were coming to my room. I was hiccupping and choking slightly on my tears. My nose was running, and I was in so much pain that I forced myself into an even tighter ball. It wasn't really helping though. I knew it wouldn't, but trying never hurt anything. My door slammed open, and I flinched but I didn't move from my spot on the bed.

"God damn it! I knew that was you in the airport!" The words were nonsense. I didn't understand any of it at the moment, but the voice was familiar. I clenched my eyes shut and cursed my luck that bastard airport man had to be in my general vicinity when I had a mental breakdown. My hands balled tighter into my once pristine white shirt.

"Go away! …Please." The last word came out in a whisper and my voice died in my throat. I hated myself for crying in front of a total stranger, and I was attempting to pull myself together but it seemed that once the flow began it wasn't going to stop. I heard him move closer and I unconsciously felt myself move towards him like some kind of magnetic pull.

"Haruhi! Look at me!" He was yelling now, and it startled me. Who yelled at a crying girl? This guy, apparently. He knew my name? That was odd, I never told him and he didn't have my luggage long enough to look at the name tag. Then, like some kind of weird mental puzzle, all of the clues clicked into place. My eyes opened up wide and my finger moved away from my chest. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and looked at him in the face for the first time in a year and a half. I practically heard my heart shattering.

"H-Hikaru?"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked the chapter! I know it was long coming, and I apologize. The next one should be quicker because I'm pretty excited about it. I hope you are too! **

**Thanks for reading, and, as always, please review!**


	4. Tiger Lilies

**A/N: This took forever. Excuse = college. Enough said.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers: nekos4lifeandever, xXLuckyHeartXx, Oyako-sama, Liz Hollow, Everfly, hitsugaya07, Mimi-dudette, Mayabi Yoruno, Chibi Panda Pan, and CrystalDragon791. If you didn't receive a review reply, I'm so sorry! I'm trying to be good about that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. –Insert witty banter here-

* * *

**

_Chapter 4: Tiger Lilies

* * *

_

I sat staring at him, my face a mask of shock and hurt. I could feel the tears on my face drying, making hard lines that were probably very obvious. He didn't say anything after my stutter, which may or may not have been a godsend. He still looked totally composed like he did at the airport, but I could see his emotions boiling under the surface. Hikaru was one of my best friends and therefore, I could read him like a book. It surprised me slightly that his hair was still died a dark brown, almost black, since I thought he would have accepted his similarities to Kaoru by now.

The silence swelled in the room, my heavy breathing and the ticking of some clock that I had yet to spot the only sounds. It was awkward that he still hadn't said anything or even come closer to me. I was itching to be near him, the magnetic pull now making slightly more sense since it was _Hikaru_ and I was more comfortable around him than I was in my own skin. My eyes skittered to the floor away from his impassively cool face and the fire in his eyes that contradicted the façade that he was trying to put up.

For some reason, my simple eye movement set him off.

"What the hell, Haruhi! Didn't you recognize me at all in the airport?" He wasn't yelling anymore, but his voice was still slightly raised in irritation. I licked my chapped lips and gathered my courage to look back up at him. He was now showing the signs of his frustration; his eyebrows sloped down, making the skin pinch between them.

"I didn't really look at you," I replied, my own voice soft. At least I was being truthful. My statement made him roll his eyes like a petulant child, and the action made me smile because it was so simply Hikaru. When he saw the smile on my face, his stance relaxed slightly and I became aware of the fact that he had been irritated because I was upset. Some sense returned to the world then, and with it came a layer of calm over me. I could deal with this with them here. We could get through anything together. It was what we did. "You didn't exactly stop me when I walked away, you know."

"Oh, whatever, Haruhi. I didn't even think it was you after you scurried off like a mouse," he said as he walked over to sit next to me on the bed. The comforter sank under his weight and his proximity washed another wave of calm over my psyche.

"I only left because you were pissing me off so bad," I said, glaring at him playfully. The comment made him smile. His smile had always reminded me of the Cheshire cat, and it probably would terrify small children. There was a cough from the doorway, and the interruption caused me to become aware of the fact that Hikaru and I were staring rather intently at each other. I could feel my skin flush red uncomfortably.

"I hate to interrupt, but I get some Haruhi time too." Kaoru was leaning in the doorway, looking the picture of mischief. I leaped from the bed and ran to him, enveloping him in a hug. I hated that I couldn't even stay remotely angry at them for abandoning me, but with them here, my fingertips pressing into Kaoru's back and the twin's sent of cinnamon swirling around me, my anger fled.

"I didn't get that kind of greeting!" Hikaru was only teasing, but I could sense some real jealousy from his tone. I slipped from the loose hold Kaoru had on me and made my way back over to Hikaru, who had also slipped to his feet while I was hugging his brother. I smiled up at him, which caused him to blush, and wound my arms around his shoulders with my head resting on his chest. He only stiffened for a moment before sliding his arms around my waist in a comfortably familiar embrace.

It occurred to me in the few seconds that we were standing with our arms locked around each other that it was very odd how different I felt with Hikaru than I had with Kaoru. They _were _twins, so I shouldn't be _that _much more comfortable in Hikaru's arms, right? Yet, on the other hand, I _was _the one to help them realize their differences, so perhaps I was contradicting myself by merely _thinking _that way and I should be ashamed of myself for even…

A hand was tugging on the hem of my shirt. Snapping out of my babbling thoughts, I noticed that Hikaru had long since stepped away from me and was standing by the door with Kaoru. This momentarily confused me since I could have sworn that someone had been pulling my shirt.

"Haru-chan! I missed you!" My head whipped around as unnaturally strong arms wrapped around my midsection. Honey-sempai was standing there with a rather large grin on his face and his head practically burrowed into my stomach. I only allowed myself to be shocked for a second because it _was _Honey-sempai before placing my hand on his head.

"I missed you too, Honey-sempai," I said as he unlocked himself from me and clasped his hands behind his back. It was a little strange that I still called him sempai since we no longer attended the same school, but he was still older than me and it was a long ingrained habit to call him that, even in my thoughts. "Where's Mori-sempai?"

It took no longer than the few seconds it took me to get out the question for a large hand to settle on top of my head. I glanced up and saw the towering man in question. I smiled at him and raised my hand in a quick greeting. His hand slid from the top of my head nonchalantly. I did a quick glance around the room and noticed that almost all of us were here. Only two were missing, one of which would never come back.

That thought instantly sobered me, and the smile fell from my face. Almost as if the others could sense my depression returning, the atmosphere in the room tensed. I began to twiddle my fingers to keep my mind occupied and away from the thoughts of Tamaki and how odd it was for us to be stewing in an awkward silence, which had never before been between us.

"So…what about Kyoya-sempai? Where is he?" I asked the question to lessen the sudden tension between us but realized after asking that I really wanted to know. The others all grew stiff and glanced nervously at one another. I raised an eyebrow at this behavior, crossed my arms and waited to see if any of them would tell me. Someone cleared their throat and my attention immediately went to the perpetrator, Hikaru.

"He…hasn't arrived yet. He won't be here for a few more days," he said, rubbing the back of his head. I knew that wasn't the whole story, but I mentally applauded Hikaru for saying anything at all. The rest either looked like they had something stuck in their throats—Honey-sempai and Kaoru—or simply didn't want to answer—Mori-sempai.

I once again became aware of the silence that hung between us, threatening to engulf me. My eyes darted around the room, helplessly looking for something to talk about because my mind always escaped to thoughts about Tamaki when there was nothing else to occupy it. I feared that. I also feared the reason why Kyoya was late. Tamaki and he were best friends. I almost expected him to be here before anybody else, lurking through the hallways and assuring that everything was perfect for Tamaki's final party.

Deciding the best course of action was to be nosy, I asked the question I knew they were all silently hoping I'd avoid. "Why is he going to be late?"

After the lengthy pause between Hikaru's statement and my own, I was well aware that it was shocking that I continued on that thread of thought. They all looked to each other for mental support, asking each other without words whether or not it was okay to clue me in to the reasons.

"Um…Haruhi, Kyoya is taking some personal time to deal with the loss privately." Hikaru was once again the one to answer my question. It seemed that they had elected him as their spokesperson. I began to feel frustrated with them for evading my questions. Was it really _that _hard to be truthful with someone? Glaring at each of them while silently fuming, I continued to push the boundaries of the conversation.

"Why does he want to be alone? I think it's easier to deal with this now that I'm together with everybody," I said, aware that I still couldn't vocalize the fact that Tamaki was dead. It also didn't escape my notice that I was being incredibly rude by comparing Kyoya to myself. He tended to be introverted, and while I was as well I had learned that the support of friends was something to cherish. But, that didn't change that fact that it was unfair of me to assume he felt the same way.

I saw Hikaru's eye twitch, and I knew he was beginning to get irritated with my nonstop flow of questions, especially considering they were questions he didn't particularly want to answer. I knew this just as I knew that the next thing out of his mouth was not going to be at all complimentary.

"Because, Haruhi, he was on the phone with Tamaki as he died!"

That air sucked itself from my lungs and a chasm formed in front of me, causing me to teeter on the edge.

I had wanted an answer, but now I wondered at the sense. Obviously they didn't want to tell me because it was something I didn't want to hear. The colors on the walls faded into a dull hue, a boring and lifeless façade that mirrored my feelings perfectly.

Yet instead of showing this on the outside, I found myself shouting at Hikaru in a desperate attempt hide how very dead I felt.

"How was I supposed to know? None of you would tell me! Why am I outside of the loop? It's not fair!" Hikaru had always made me act like a younger version of myself. I was behaving like a five year old having a tantrum, but in the very least it was some kind of release.

Hikaru scoffed and moved across the room to stand in front of me. His face was probably a mirror image of my own, eyebrows pinched, lips pursed. Kaoru and Honey-sempai looked at each other nervously while Mori-sempai looked about ready to pull us apart in case we got physical.

"Are you even listening to yourself, Haruhi? You sound like a five year old that didn't get their cookie!" His breath puffed into my face, a sweet blend of peppermint and cinnamon. Distracted by the moment, I lightly shoved him a few steps away from me. It wasn't like me to use force, but I was disconcerted by the reaction I was having to his nearness.

"That's rich, coming from you, Hikaru, considering your arguments always sound like they are coming from the mouth of a five year old." All movement in the room ceased after that comment. Everybody was obviously surprised with the direction that I was taking this. Actually, I was pretty sure they were surprised that I was even arguing in the first place.

Hikaru reinforced his glare at me, opened his mouth, shut it, and then turned away from me. His movement caused me to relax my defensive stance but, at the same time, caused me to feel empty once more.

"It's not even worth it." He was walking away before I even had the chance to respond to that statement. Kaoru immediately followed after his brother, shooting me a brief apologetic look. Honey and Mori went at a slower pace, taking the time to place a hand on my arm and head respectively.

Alone again, I collapsed backwards onto my bed. I sank into its velvety comfort and allowed myself to be swept away into darkness.

Hopefully, the shock of the past couple moments would wear off soon enough.

_I sat in a garden on a cold stone bench. The flowers sprung up from the ground in colorful patterns, which I noted was unusual for the winter. My fingers picked at a loose thread on the white summer dress that I was wearing. The lacy eyelets stared up at me from my lap, and I pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ears. The setting was peaceful with a gentle breeze stirring the plants lightly, but I was anxious. I instinctively knew that I was waiting for something, but I didn't know what. It was though I had been here before and expected some kind of show to occur._

_I stood up from the uncomfortable bench, pacing restlessly around the little paved circle in what appeared to be the middle of the garden. A small rustling caught my attention, and I moved in the direction of the sound. It had come from the path of roses, the only other paved area in the garden besides my little circle. The roses, both white and red, spread out of their bushes, pushing the figure that walked among them to keep in the center of the path. Smiling, I called out to the familiar person._

"_Tamaki!" I called, my voice bouncing off of invisible barriers. He glanced up from his stroll and smiled, though I noticed that it was unusually subdued for a Tamaki smile. Casually, he sloped over to me, picking a rose on the way. It immediately caught by attention that the rose was white rather than red, which confused me. Wasn't a red rose a symbol of romance? For the life of me, I could not remember the meaning of a white rose. Ignoring it for now, I reached out to him as he stepped into my circle. _

"_You weren't supposed to be waiting for me, Haruhi," he said calmly as he used the hand not holding the rose to ruffle my hair in a friendly gesture. I attempted to grasp his retreating hand, but he pulled it away too quickly before using it to snap the stem from the rose. _

"_Where else would I be?" I asked, confused. I watched his movements with an alert interest. Noticing my attention, he winked before placing the flower of the rose behind my ear. He briefly rested his hand in the crook of my neck then moved away completely. I noticed vaguely that he had left a small blood stain on my white dress and figured that he had pricked his finger on the rose as he picked it. _

"_I thought you would have walked another path by now," he replied finally. I looked around curiously, sure that there were no other paths leading out of my circle. When I proved myself correct, I turned back to him to find him standing in front of a group of tiger lilies. The orange flowers were closed._

"_But there are no other paths to take." He ignored my comment and fingered the leaves of the closest lily. I moved to stand beside him, my confusion reaching new heights. Once I was beside him, he straightened and took a hold of my hand. A drop of his blood splashed to the pavement below as he gave my hand a squeeze. _

"_Do you know anything about tiger lilies, Haruhi?" The question startled me. The whole situation was leaving me feeling as though I was in a romantic novel, albeit a perplexing romantic novel. Also, I began to lose patience with Tamaki and his weird nature._

"_They're a weed," I said with finality, knowing my answer was not what he wanted. Tamaki chuckled a little, making me smile. At least that was a characteristic response from him. He lightly bumped my shoulder with his own before speaking._

"_You always were blunt," he said by way of teasing. I merely shrugged and motioned for him to get to the point. _

"_Haruhi, tiger lilies follow the sun. They begin to open with the first rays of sunlight and live until the sun dips below the horizon. Then, they die as night settles in." I frowned at this explanation. How could a flower with the lifespan of only a day be so resilient? There were several of them growing in front of me. I reached out to finger the leaves of one, mimicking Tamaki's earlier action. To my surprise, the flower slowly started to open and my hand drew near. Retracting my hand quickly, the flower once again closed content to wait for the sun's return. _

"_Tamaki, I don't understand." I felt like panicking simply because of the flower's reaction to me. He grasped my shoulders firmly and pulled me into a hug. Strangely, it felt like a goodbye. I clutched him closer to my chest, knowing that I could not let him go. However, he struggled free of my grasp soon enough._

"_You will." The statement was simple enough, but it sent a shiver of unease up my spine. We were standing only a few feet apart, his hands still resting comfortably on my shoulders. His face looked sad, too sad to be real. I reached my hand up to grab his hand, wanting to comfort him. He smiled…_

…_and pushed me directly into the bed of tiger lilies. Every single flower opened in rejoice of my coming, seeming to pull me deeper._

My eyes shot open. I had forgotten that it was a terrible idea to sleep. It seemed that every single dream that I had haunted me with visions of Tamaki. That dream had been very odd to say the least, and I couldn't even bring myself to begin analyzing what the hell had gone on. Grumbling, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and checked the clock on the bedside table. It was just after one in the morning. Sighing and realizing I wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon, I pushed myself off the bed intent on finding the kitchen. Cooking usually calmed me down.

The trip to the kitchen was surprisingly not as complex as I planned it to be, and I made it there in about ten minutes. The kitchen itself was massive, the floors a shiny polished wood with floor to ceiling cupboards and a rather imposing refrigerator spaced around the four main walls. In the center stood a kitchen island, which was good for chopping ingredients and preparing food. I also noticed that there were two ovens placed on opposite ends of the island.

Rapidly glancing through all the cupboards, I found the ingredients to make Western style pancakes. I placed bowl on the table and mixed together the dry ingredients before adding the water and getting the stove and pan ready. The batter started to bubble as soon as I poured it onto the pan, and the delicious aroma of pancakes immediately began to fill up the kitchen.

Just as I flipped the last pancake onto the plate, Honey-sempai walked in. He was rubbing his eyes with one hand and dragging along Usa-chan with the other. I smiled at the sight.

"Haru-chan, what are you doing awake?" he asked cheerfully when he saw me. He hopped up onto one of the stools surrounding the island and I pushed the plate of pancakes toward him. There were too many for me to eat alone anyways.

"I couldn't sleep and decided to cook something. Want some pancakes?" I asked, knowing that he usually got up in the middle of the night for something sweet anyways.

"Do you have any syrup or strawberries?" he asked, his desire for sweet things shining through his eyes. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the question. I knew he adored strawberries, so I nodded and grabbed an extra plate and fork from the cupboard along with the strawberries and syrup from the fridge. I set the plate and strawberries on the table and took the syrup over to the microwave to heat it up slightly.

When I returned to the table, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Honey-sempai had already taken half the stack of pancakes and put them on the extra plate and was patiently waiting for me. I remembered from our days in the Host Club that he usually devoured sweets when they were presented to him.

Pouring a large amount of syrup onto my plate of pancakes before passing it over to Honey-sempai, I noticed him smiling happily as he stuffed large bites of syrupy pancakes and strawberries into his mouth.

"You shouldn't have gotten so angry at Hika-chan earlier. I think it upset him." The statement startled me. I put my fork back onto the plate and looked across the countertop at Honey-sempai. He had already finished his portion.

"Yeah…I know it probably wasn't the best idea, but I couldn't help it. He just made me so mad." The last sentence came out in a whisper. Talking about it now with Honey-sempai made the whole argument we had seem so stupid, and it left me feeling guilty for it.

"If you want to, I'll let you sleep with Usa-chan tonight," he said, breaking the tension that had built up between us. Looking into his eyes, I saw his concern for me but I also saw the same kind of sadness that I had been dealing with since I heard the news of Tamaki's death.

And then I realized how selfish I was being. All of us had lost someone dear to us, not just me. The remaining members of the Host Club needed to lean on each other and support each other, not wallow in self pity. If Kyoya needed some time before facing us, then that was none of my business. He was, after all, the last person to ever hear Tamaki's voice.

"No, you need Usa-chan tonight, Honey-sempai. I'll live," I said, standing up from the stool and pushing my remaining pancakes toward him, "I just need some rest."

With no further words spoken between us, I climbed the stairs back to my room and took comfort in my red room. Because it was red, not white…not orange.

Every night that week, I dreamt of my garden. Every night, I would wait, sitting where Tamaki had left me. But Tamaki never returned, and the roses slowly grew over the path. And all around me the tiger lilies died.

* * *

**A/N: Alright folks, there's the chapter! I know I made you wait forever, but I had a very difficult time with trying not to make this chapter boring. I hope you enjoyed!**

_White rose meanings: White roses represent innocence and purity and are traditionally associated with marriages and new beginnings. The white rose is also a symbol of honor or reverence, and white rose arrangements are often used as an expression of remembrance. _


	5. Going Away

**A/N: Terribly sorry, everyone. I know I'm late, as usual, but bear with me. I will finish this.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers: CrystalDragon791, Mimi-dudette, Niikkii95, and EMOSCREAMOANGEL. You're all lovely. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. –Insert witty banter here-

* * *

**

_Chapter 5: Going Away

* * *

_

"_He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong."_

_-from [Funeral Blues] by W.H. Auden

* * *

_

Lately, I had taken to spending my free time on the balcony attached to my room. The nightmares persisted, so it was a rare thing for me to find any kind of peace while being surrounded by the Host Club and the memories of Tamaki. Hikaru still seemed angry at me for our fight that took place almost four days ago. During that time period, more friends and family of Tamaki had shown up and were residing in different wings all around the mansion. With all the added people, the place became a veritable hotel with people bouncing around, asking servants what there was to do in the surrounding areas. Considering we weren't very far from Paris, this question seemed a little silly.

The winter air chilled me as a gust of wind blew my hair around my face, the snow swirling madly inside the small flurry. An almost constant snowfall had been going on in France since I arrived at the mansion, and I could only guess that travel plans were being delayed for the people that had not yet arrived. Tamaki's father had assured those of us that were here that that did not mean that the funeral would occur any later. Inwardly, I felt grateful for this because it meant one less moment that I had to be constantly reminded of what I had lost.

Honey-sempai and I continued going down to the kitchen at night when everyone else was asleep. I usually ended up baking him some kind of sweet, mostly cakes and cookies. The strawberries were almost completely depleted. However, outside of the nightly kitchen raids, I tried not to spend too much time outside of my room or off the balcony. I did go to the computer lab—rich people could afford such luxuries—to look into my homework. I didn't want to fall too far behind on my school work since my father and I were spending quite a bit of money for me to go even with my scholarships.

The grounds of the mansion sat in stillness, the layer of snow casting an ethereal charm about the place. The ice that had frozen on the branches shimmered in the low lights of the small lamps scattered about the lawn. I rather liked the view, which only made it more pleasant to come out here even with the snow piled onto the balcony. Luckily it still only reached my ankles, and my knee high boots kept most of the chill out.

The unnatural quiet of winter had set in, the kind of quiet that settles around a place and magnifies the sounds that do come about. The atmosphere reminded me that Christmas was just around the corner, and although my father and I didn't celebrate it for religious reasons it still seemed odd not to be spending the holiday season in his company. Even in Paris, the Christmas lights twinkled brightly from street corners and inside shops.

I sighed and leaned my face into my palm with my elbow resting on the balcony railing. I had spent hours out here in the past four days thinking the same thoughts. Yet, I still found my mind drifting back to the dream with the roses and tiger lilies. I had a hard time interpreting it. I wanted to believe desperately that the dream was Tamaki's way of forgiving me and letting me go, but my logical mind wouldn't allow such a conclusion. Dreams were produced by a person's subconscious desires or fears. The only thing I could logically conclude was that I feared Tamaki's abandonment, which would explain his lack of return. In every dream after the first, I simply sat inside the bed of tiger lilies, watching the roses grow wild and tiger lilies grow and die day after day. I hated Tamaki for letting the lilies die. They were so uncontrollably beautiful. Unlike the roses, which grew in a predictable pattern and would likely give up under the strenuous conditions that the lilies were forced under, the lilies persisted to grow around me, following their ancestors into death as I drew into wakefulness.

"You know, you're going to make your brain hemorrhage if you keep thinking like that." The voice was so unexpected that I jumped and slid on the snow, falling onto my backside painfully. I flipped to the source of the voice quickly, finding Hikaru on the balcony adjacent to mine with a smirk on his face. I glared at him, irritated that he interrupted my thoughts, however redundant they had been.

"Oh, how clever, scaring me into falling over. I thought you'd moved beyond that stupid trick," I quipped. I still wasn't really over our fight, especially since he had been ignoring me lately. His eyebrow rose before he chuckled softly.

"A good joke never loses its flavor as long as it continues to be effective," he replied. I rolled my eyes at this and stood up from my place in the snow, brushing the lingering flakes from my red pea coat. Determined not to give him the time of day, I continued my appraisal of the grounds, glaring out at nothing.

"Haruhi, I guess I'm sorry about ignoring you these past few days," he said after a good couple minutes of silence. I drew in a breath, prepared to retort, when the anger just kind of dissipated inside of me.

"It's fine. We were both acting like children," I said as I turned to face him finally. He was looking out at the area my eyes had just abandoned, and his face betrayed only a small bit of the melancholy I had been feeling lately. His eyes jumped to my face at my admission before his lips quirked into a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess," he conceded. I raised my eyebrows at his willingness to be reasonable. Back during the Host Club days, he never would have admitted his own shortcomings. Of course, I wasn't the only one allowed to grow up. The thought sobered me. Tamaki would never get the chance to grow up like Hikaru and me.

"You think about him too much. He's not coming back, Haruhi." Hikaru didn't say the words with any kind of maliciousness, but I jumped to the defensive anyways.

"He just died, Hikaru! I deserve some time to let myself grieve." I barely raised my voice above a whisper, but the silence of the winter air carried the words to Hikaru's ears without any problems.

"I know that. But, do you really think you're going about this the right way?" he questioned. The query made me choke back my retort. He was beginning to become angry himself, having always been rather volatile. He obviously thought his point had to be proved.

I, however, was going to drift around the subject until he gave up in his pursuit.

"Hikaru, maybe you should just accept this as me. You haven't seen me in a year and a half. I reserve the right to change in that time period," I said casually, as though I didn't know that what I said would immediately ignite his anger further. Unfortunately, I knew Hikaru better than I knew myself anymore.

"Oh, that is such bullshit, and you know it. Don't try to feed me that, Haruhi. It just offends me. I mean, honestly, I know you better than I know myself." I tried not to let the fact that my thoughts were directly paralleled in his speech startle me outwardly. Perhaps this was an alternate universe where he could read my mind? Shoving the ridiculous thought into a box in the far corner of my mind, I shivered, clenching my gloved hands into fists.

"_Honestly _Hikaru, you're irritating me. Did you come out here for the sole purpose of destroying the little amount of calm I've been able to build around myself?" The question sounded stupid, even in my head. Of course that's what he'd come to do. It's what he always did.

As such, he rolled his eyes and let my words bounce off of him. I felt slightly offended that he barely even registered my words. If I ever said something like that to Tamaki, he would instantly go stalk off to his "angst corner" or whatever it was and sulk. At least that had given me some satisfaction that my opinion mattered to these people.

"You're coming with us to Paris tomorrow." He said it so nonchalantly that I almost nodded my head in total agreement of the statement.

"Um, I don't exactly recall agreeing to such a trip," I spit, the words forcing themselves from between my clenched teeth. Hikaru probably would never simply spontaneously combust, no matter how much I secretly wished it.

His lips quirked a little at the corner, showing his minimum amusement for my plight. I remembered when my aggravation with the world would have Kaoru and him reeling in laughter. Just then, I noticed a small spattering of snowflakes littering the shoulders of his black jacket. They stood out among the dark fabric like a stain on the perfect design, a smudge against the stunning backdrop of his life. And belatedly, I realized that I was smiling.

"You know, I think those snowflakes compliment the jacket rather than taking away from it," I replied mindlessly, momentarily forgetting that we had been arguing, momentarily forgetting that I was standing in the cold looking at my best friend from another lifetime, momentarily forgetting that my life was lying in ruins around my feet.

Instead of scoffing and calling me a lunatic, he looked at his shoulders and saw the source of my wonder. The tiny smile on his lips lifted and brought a full on grin to his face. The absurdity that we were out here commenting on the benefit of perfectly white snowflakes on an utterly black jacket was not lost on me.

"Yeah, you're right. Too bad that in most scenarios it would look like dandruff," he mumbled. His sentence floated to me and before I could help it, I was laughing—not merely giggling or chuckling, but full on guffawing. And then he was joining me in my hysterics, and I could not think of a moment since coming here that had been more perfect.

"So, did you get her to agree to coming with us?" Kaoru's voice shattered the moment, and it ended suddenly like someone had snuffed out an already flickering candle. Hikaru turned to his twin with a raised eyebrow, but before either of them could say anything, I was off of the balcony and ensconced in the warmth and safety of my room.

* * *

The dream engulfed me with its usual sense of loneliness and helplessness, but it didn't seem as long a time that I sat in my garden surrounded by my tiger lilies, staring at my roses—I wasn't sure when I had started associating everything in the dream as mine, but I let the thought go, it would only torture me.

I was being rocked into a state of semi-consciousness, my mind barely drifting into the realm of wakefulness when I noticed something was off. I rarely slept easily unless I was almost completely horizontal on the bed, which meant thick pillows were entirely out of the question. Yet, I had the distinct sensation of sitting up. Also, I was definitely not comfortable in the position. It felt as though I was being strapped down…

A sudden bump jolted me, causing me to slam my head against something rather harshly. My eyes flew open as my hands moved to caress the forming bump on my skull. A pair of laughing eyes greeted me.

"Sorry, Haruhi, but we knew you wouldn't agree to this willingly, so we took matters into our own hands," Kaoru said, looking not in the least bit remorseful. I silently cursed him.

Looking around at my surroundings, I found I was seated in the back of a limousine, my spine pressed firmly against the glass panel that separated the driver from the passengers. Kaoru was seated on one of the side seats, and Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai were seated across from me at the very back. My eyebrows furrowed at the lack of Hikaru before I felt a hand pulling my fingers away from my injured head. My eyes darted to the person connected to the hand only to see Hikaru smirking at me.

"I tried to play nice last night, but you retreated into your room like a coward," he said flippantly, ignoring the glare I sent at him. I was irritated that they had practically kidnapped me, and I was irritated that I knew exactly what they were talking about. We were on our way to Paris. Sighing, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and didn't speak for a moment.

"You could have at least let me change my clothes," I murmured, looking dejectedly at the pair of cotton pajama pants I was wearing. They had thrown my coat on me haphazardly, the buttons not lining up properly. At least they hadn't forgotten shoes.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, Haruhi, we prepared an outfit for you that you can change into once we get in the city," Hikaru remarked, waving his hand at me in a form of dismissal. My irritation escalated. This was probably the only thing I _hadn't _missed about the Host Club. They were always dragging me around to places that I would usually refuse to go to.

"Haru-chan! We'll have lots of fun in the city together, you'll see!" Honey-sempai exclaimed to which Mori-sempai vaguely grunted in agreement. Honey-sempai looked so happy sitting there, practically squirming in his seat that I smiled slightly in return. I could practically feel the smirk the twins were sending my way, but I chose to ignore them in favor of picking the dirt out from beneath my fingernails.

After the initial confusion and aggravation, the drive to Paris turned out to be rather uneventful. I almost missed the constant babbling of my cab driver. At least his voice could be used as good background noise. The Host Club was unusually silent, besides the twins who had been whispering covertly back and forth to each other since I had made the wise decision of ignoring the lot of them. I could tell that most of the people in the limo had only agreed with the trip to escape the oppressive atmosphere of the mansion, with little hope that the city would actually take their minds off of Tamaki's absence. It seemed that Hikaru and Kaoru genuinely wanted to explore Paris, but one could never be too sure. They were excellent at hiding their true intentions.

Considering I couldn't see out the windows, I was rather startled when the limo stopped and didn't continue moving. The others seemed to sense that it was the end of the trip and waited patiently as the driver came around and opened the back door for us to slide out. Once I stepped out of the warmth of the car, the winter chill practically slammed into me, reducing me to a shivering mess. The boys cast me a cursory glance before moving to the trunk and removing a garment bag full of clothing. Kaoru handed it off to me, and Hikaru pointed behind me to a small café where I could find a restroom to change in. Hugging the bag to my chest, I swept away from them with a huff.

The customers of the café barely paid me any attention as I moved purposefully to the counter and inquired about the restrooms in English. The waiter pointed towards the back and gave me directions in heavily accented English before promptly ignoring me and turning back to the people who were actually paying to be there.

Once settled in a stall in the small bathroom at the back of the café, I examined the clothes that they had picked out for me. I merely thanked whatever deity that was listening that they were practical. Of course, they were overly stylish as well, and I wondered where they had found the clothing in my small stock that I had brought from Japan. I brushed it off however, they could probably find something stylish in Lord Voldermort's wardrobe.

I moved back outside, silently contemplating if while I was there I could find the English versions of _Harry Potter_. I had a good chance, considering France was so close to England. Then, I was being dragged along.

The twins had grabbed one arm each and were pulling me along at a steady pace down the road. I glanced back to see that the limo was gone as was the garment bag containing my pajamas. They had probably taken it from me while I was thinking about wizards. Honey-sempai was skipping ahead of us, talking excitedly to Mori-sempai, who grunted in reply to most of the things Honey-sempai said.

"Where are we going?" I asked after we had moved several blocks down the street. Everyone stopped to look at me. I blanched. "What? We've been walking for awhile. I'm curious."

They looked among themselves, once again silently deciding what to tell me. It was getting old. Hikaru took the bullet again as well.

"We're going to the Louvre. We thought you'd like the art and the history and stuff," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets while releasing me in the process. They were right, of course. I had been itching to visit the museum, but I had resigned myself to not leaving my room for the entirety of the trip. Their thoughtfulness momentarily blindsided me.

"Oh, well that sounds nice. I _have _wanted to take a look at it," I admitted quietly. My response immediately brightened the group, smiles lighting up their faces. I fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment under the weight of their combined pleasure, before they started off again. I followed, of my own volition this time. I found it strange that they knew this city well enough to traverse it without maps or guides. I would have a hard time even remembering how to get back to the café we started at.

Soon, we were walking across a bridge. The water below moved sluggishly from the cold air. Although from the looks of it, I guessed that it was never that tumultuous. It took me a moment to notice that Hikaru was walking beside me.

"That's the river Seine," he stated. I looked away from the river to glance at him. I stored the fact away in my folder for 'knowledge about foreign cities'. We were moving slowly, taking our time getting across the bridge and admiring the water flowing beneath the bridge. I placed a hand on the railing and trailed it along as we walked.

"It's very pretty." The words were out of my mouth before I had time to think about them. The river _was _pretty, but I didn't usually make such trite comments. Hikaru chuckled softly. I looked at him once more.

His eyes were focused on the river, a light smile on his face. I felt as though I was interrupting some kind of private memory for him, but his eyes traveled to my face. I stopped walking.

"Yeah, I guess it is," he said simply, continuing to move away from me, his eyes still on me. I swallowed roughly but forced my feet to follow after him so I wouldn't get lost. I quickly caught up to him and noticed that the others had moved a little ahead of us.

"Should we catch up?" I asked, more wanting to diffuse the moment than to have an answer. Hikaru considered the question for a moment before shrugging.

His voice was playful, "Nah, they can wait for us." I lightly shoved him for the comment but didn't make any moves to pick up the pace. He rubbed the spot on his arm where I had pushed him and smirked down at me. It was then that I noticed we were approaching a looming structure that looked rather like a palace. Hikaru noticed my momentary hesitation.

"That's the Louvre," he said simply, sounding just like he had when he had pointed out the river Seine. I nodded slowly, slightly intimated by the sheer size of the place. Once we had passed beneath the structure, we were surrounded on all sides by people milling about, either waiting for friends to take pictures or talking and pointing out the amazing sights of the outside of the Louvre. The tall glass pyramid stood like a guardian, in sharp contrast with the delicate, old architecture of the main building. I immediately took a step in its direction, seeing people going down to the lobby beneath the pyramid. I was stopped by Hikaru.

"Let's check out the gardens," he said, pointing towards the Tuileries. I looked up at him and nodded against my better judgment. There wouldn't be much to see in the winter, the flowers and trees dead until spring, and I had watched the others go into the lobby. Yet, there was something about the frozen statues that I could see from our vantage point that were calling me, enchanting me. We walked away from the palace towards the palatial gardens.

The park spread out in front of us like a massive winter wonderland. I could see children having a snowball fight near one of the small ponds up ahead. There were couples strolling casually among the statues, holding hand and talking quietly together. The entire atmosphere practically screamed cozy and romantic. I checked to make sure Hikaru was still next to me, only to see him watching something intently. I followed his gaze to see a couple I hadn't noticed before. They were standing by one of the many trees, the woman leaning back on the bark while the man bent forward slightly so that their visible breath mingled in the air between them. I could see that the woman had a slight smile on her face as she watched her partner. As we moved closer, I noticed that they were around middle-age if not slightly younger. The knowledge shocked me slightly, considering that they looked so young from far away. The man brought his hand to one of hers that was dangling by her side and delicately interlocked their pointer fingers. The moment immediately became too intimate for me to continue watching, so I ripped my eyes away to watch the children pound each other with snow.

"I wanted for you two to work out so badly." Hikaru's words were spoken so quietly that I almost didn't hear him over the laughter and the wind. Once they settled into me, I froze and turned to him. He had stopped several paces back, his eyes on the ground. I stayed rooted to my spot, not willing to move much closer.

"I thought…" I started, but I couldn't bring myself to voice the rest of the sentence. I knew the answer. Hikaru _had _loved me. That didn't change the fact that he had wanted what was best for Tamaki and me, which had been each other. Hikaru seemed to sense what I had been about to say because he flinched very slightly, but he didn't say anything about my near slip.

"You guys _loved _each other, and it wasn't enough. He couldn't even _stay alive _for you." His voice was full of betrayal and hurt, and it killed me to listen to him talk about Tamaki that way. Yet, I couldn't find my own voice to speak my protests because I knew that I was witnessing Hikaru's faith in love being shattered.

"I know he didn't exactly _choose _to die, but…I always thought that some people were just _meant _to be together like Fate picked who you were meant to love long before you even knew what love _was. _But he _died_. Just like that. And you're still here, picking up the pieces. _I'm _still here, picking up _my own _pieces. And…and…why did this have to happen?" His eyes finally lifted from the ground and looked into mine. Tears were steadily streaming down his face, and his arms were wrapped loosely around his middle. There were no sobs or chokes or sniffles. Just plain, pain filled tears that poured out of his eyes onto the snow covered sidewalk.

My chest chose that moment to collapse in on itself, and I broke, running to him and throwing my arms around him as I sobbed. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me, and I could feel his tears leaking through my coat onto my shoulder. I didn't care though because I knew mine were doing the same. I knew I was crying rather loudly, but my throaty cries were mostly muffled against the fabric of his jacket.

It was in that moment, as we stood there holding each other and sharing a mutual grief that I truly understood that I was not the only one that had lost someone important. That I was not the only one, in a mansion full of people, that was grieving, and that picking up the pieces was so much easier when you had someone crying with you as you did it.

My hands fisted tightly into his coat, and I could feel him methodically running his fingers through my hair. I knew it was more to comfort himself than to comfort me, but my tears slowly tapered off nonetheless. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed back slightly to look at me. His eyes were red and puffy, but he still looked perfect while I knew I looked like a right mess. He didn't smile or make any comments; he merely swiped his fingers slowly under my eyes to remove the last traces of tears. I grabbed his hand before he could fully retake it and squeezed it, silently promising not to disappear again. His smile was slow and hesitant but wonderful, and I couldn't help but return it with a small one of my own. And as we walked back towards the Louvre, leaving behind the laughing children and the middle-aged couple who were still wrapped up in each other, I let go of a small part of Tamaki. It wasn't much, but enough for me to smile as Kaoru pouted when we finally showed up in the lobby, to laugh as Honey-sempai pointed excitedly at the Mona Lisa, and to be their strength when they all cried as we made our way back to the limo.

That night, I picked one of the tiger lilies and hugged it to my chest.

* * *

**A/N: I just want to thank all of you who have stuck with me this long. I know I'm a rather unreliable updater, but I'm trying. Thanks for your patience. **


End file.
